When I went to go see the Barbie movie, I figured I would see some nods and references to infamous dolls like Growing Up Skipper. You don’t have to be a Barbiehead (or whatever Barbie super fans call themselves) to know some of these dolls, and they were bound to get a laugh out of audiences.
I did not expect to see Earring Magic Ken (or as many lovingly call him, “Cock Ring Ken”) since I figured it would be a little too homoerotic for a Mattel endorsed movie. I understandably lost my mind when he appeared on screen. Thank you Barbie movie.
I was saddened by the absence of one botched Barbie though, and while I’m sure her exclusion was due to her less infamous nature, I was still disappointed that my favorite Barbie, Western Barbie, never made it on screen.
Western Barbie, or as I like to call her, Western Winking Barbie, was a doll from the 80’s who dressed like a Dale Evans Hollywood cowgirl with all the shimmer and tassels a Barbie could need. She was no ordinary cowgirl though; she could wink. A simple push on the square button on her back would close one of her cyan colored eyelids to give you a little showgirl wink. An odd choice for sure, but she was one of the many Barbies with a gimmick to entice little girls to buy her because their boring Barbies couldn’t do anything like that.
That’s not why I love Western Winking Barbie though. Well, I mean I do love a Dale Evans cowgirl fit, but that’s just the icing on the winking cake for me. I love her because she is absolutely terrible at the one simple thing she is supposed to do. Like me, Barbie never learned how to properly wink, and instead is more likely to give you a half winking expression ranging from comfortable ecstasy to roadkill. For many kids, she began winking properly, only to quickly lose her ability after her poor back was smashed in too many times by little fingers. For others though, her defect was visible from the box itself. A Barbie that would otherwise be fairly unremarkable became special as many people smiled at the memory of their doll and her drooping eyelid.
I think she would have made a perfect addition to the Barbie movie. Not just because her cowgirl outfit would have gone perfect with Ken’s horsegirl phase, but because she is the beautiful embodiment of humanity that I think the movie was touching on. The movie points out that the Barbies we deem as weird are (in most cases besides a few like the Video Girl Barbie) the ones that are more grossly human. A pregnant Barbie is weird because, despite pregnancy being a very normal thing, it’s odd to see a plastic perfect doll be pregnant. It implies things. A doll that goes through puberty is similarly odd. Puberty and pregnancy are typically associated with womanhood, yes, but they’re also messy. They aren’t perfect and slender and plastic like Barbie is. Barbie does not get acne, Barbie does not bloat, Barbie does not get morning sickness, and Barbie does not look ugly while she is winking.
What I love about Western Winking Barbie is that she’s defective. I love her goofy expressions. Yeah, they make me laugh, but they also feel so endearing to me in a way other Barbies don’t. I look at her face and I just feel so much love for her. She’s charming because she doesn’t work quite right. This Barbie isn’t perfect but she is to me.
I love the imperfections in things, and I know I’m not alone in that feeling. Humans are so messy and imperfect that I think when we see something that is a little messed up too we are drawn to it. My favorite doll that I had as a kid, and one that I still have next to my bed, was this wombat with the goofiest looking face and crooked buck teeth. He’s even more goofy now after one of my pet rats ate one of his eyelids off. Thanks Bean, you little turd.
As a kid, I gave him this goofy voice when I played with him and created all these stories about his family history and dreams to own a Cupcakery. I’ve never felt that connected to one of my dolls before; never felt like it had such a real personality like that. I think a huge part of that was because he was goofy looking and didn’t match the other well groomed and cute stuffed animals he was sitting next to. I never had a Western Winking Barbie, but I had him. I guess I just feel connected to the odd ones.
Even though she wasn’t in the movie, she will always be a star in my eyes. Maybe one day I’ll even have a Western Winking Barbie of my own. I’ll put her right next to my other blonde haired oddity of the Miss Piggy cleavage bank (look her up, she’s my prized possession). For now though, this love letter to an unappreciated toy will have to do.
Wink
